A Chongqing lawyer handled divorce cases for 7 years and developed a severe fear of marriage as a result.
Attorney Zhang from Chongqing is 32 years old and graduated from Southwest University with a degree in law. He began his career as a full-time lawyer seven years ago, and his very first case was a divorce case. Since then, he has taken on an increasing number of divorce cases. Because he has memorized the Marriage Law and its relevant judicial interpretations, colleagues joke that he is a living encyclopedia of marriage. The terrifying patterns of divorce. Attorney Zhang has even summarized two sets of divorce patterns, which have transformed his attitude toward marriage from initial longing to calmness and caution.
Rule 1: Affectionate when married, indifferent when divorced.
In a case he handled in 2013, the woman and the man had been sweethearts since their school days and finally entered the marriage hall after a seven-year romance. Less than a year after the wedding, the man approached Attorney Zhang to file for divorce, and his reason was simple: the feelings had faded. During Attorney Zhang’s investigation, friends and relatives on both sides all believed the couple was deeply in love. What no one expected was that during the court hearing, the woman produced a thick household ledger and demanded that the man pay all living expenses. It turned out that after marriage, the woman had insisted on recording every household expense. Both parties believed they had sacrificed more in the marriage and nitpicked each other’s contributions. When they met in court, all that remained were sarcasm, indifference, and insults; the once-loving couple had become enemies. Attorney Zhang said that many couples are deeply in love when they marry, but by the time they divorce, it is not uncommon for them to launch personal attacks or even come to blows.
Pattern 2: Struggling together in poverty, parting ways after gaining wealth.
Not long ago, a female client tearfully recounted how she and her husband started from a street stall, working together for over a decade to build a company and several chain restaurants. Life had become affluent, but their feelings were gone. Now they rarely met, and even when together, they had nothing to say. The husband was suspected of having a mistress. Zhang said that in the many middle-aged divorce cases he handled, countless examples showed that many couples can endure poverty together but cannot share wealth. Some break up due to swelling desires, others because changing living conditions split their values.
Attorney Zhang said that handling divorce cases has shown him many joys and sorrows, making him more cautious about relationships and even slightly afraid of marriage. He said he has gained a clearer understanding of marriage and learned to cherish it more. He believes that marriage should not be entered into hastily; both parties must have an emotional foundation, shared interests and hobbies, and similar values to enter into marriage and achieve happiness. In his mind, marriage should be a lifelong commitment—once you hold hands, you should not let go easily. When problems arise, they should be handled through calm communication rather than painful divorce. “I hope there will be fewer and fewer divorce cases, because one turn away can mean a lifetime,” he said. Having witnessed too much resolve and indifference at divorce, he has even developed a slight fear of marriage. Now he would rather remain an older single man than marry hastily.
